Faith Roller Coaster

You know, I wish I could say I was a faith giant and that I always trust God to be in control. But right now I feel like my faith gauge is all over the place.

We are in the process transitioning from one ministry vehicle (The Navigators) to another ministry vehicle (Red Sea Church). I could go into all the reasons, but I'm not going to right now. One of the most stretching aspects of the transition is trusting that God will lead enough of our donors to follow us.

Trusting God to lead enough of our donor's to follow us is messing with me. One minute I am encouraged and confident that since God is calling us He will also provide for us. But then I get notice that one of our donors has chosen to discontinue supporting us and I feel like we're not going to make it. It's hard to not take it personally when support stops. The first insecure thoughts that come to my mind are what did I do wrong that caused you to stop. Or where did I fall short on communication. But then I wonder if God could actually be leading them to give elsewhere where there is a greater need. Then I wonder if He is only going to provide exactly what we need and we will lose the exact amount of support that will get us to that number. But the problem is that I don't know what that number is or how long it will take to get to that point. And because I'm selfish I think about how it affects me rather then what great plan God has for the money that people are giving elsewhere.

So like I said earlier ... I wish I was a faith giant so that I could be at peace. I wish my faith was so strong that I would have no doubt in God's provision. But I suppose this is one more step to get me closer to leaning totally on God. And for that I can only be thankful.